A Reason

There's a song written by Shawn McDonald called "Time." This particular song is a favorite of mine because it was something I dedicated not too long ago to someone dear to me. I was revisited by the thoughts and emotions that came attached to that very song and the not too distant past with which it was linked. The lyrics in the song go as follows in the chorus: "...for everything there's a reason, for everything there's a time."

There is a reason for her. There is a reason for her being in my life. There is a reason for me being in her life. The only thing that ails me is not having the slightest clue as to what that reason is. I am pulled in several different directions in my head, each reason sufficient enough to sustain the direction in which I am being pulled. Sometimes I wonder why I make the choices that I do. At times, it may seem stupid the decision that I am making. At others it is perfectly logical. This case would definitely fall under the category of the former.

Regardless if she knows it or not, the concern and care that I have grown to feel for her has not changed. Is it supposed to? Is this what it feels like to lose? Or was I merely a catalyst subjected to being used to bring about a change in her life for the improvement of her well being?

There are so many questions that come with the regret of a decision made, regardless if that decision were the right one or not. Hopefully one day, soon if at all possible, You could reveal to me the answer. I'm in a puzzle that is missing pieces.

If I had a prayer to pray tonight it would be this: that my decisions be totally subjected to Your good and perfect will. I can't be perfect. I know this. I do know that I don't know everything. I am, however, striving for perfection in the midst of the imperfections that define my life. God help me to do just that: strive. I pray daily for a blessing to come to everyone on the List. Thank you again for being so good to me...

Sincerely,
Gabe Easter